Good morning, gentlemen. Even if you say you’re a top or bottom, you’re vers. I’m vers. We may as well accept it. Embrace it. Then live this best life.
The other day at book club, I had an eye opening conversation with another reader. (Sidenote: Black men read). He identifies as a top sexually and we discovered that I’m vers, but because I’d prefer a deeper connection with those who endeavor to fuck me, I’m “romantic” with my ass.
My colleague, who we’ll call Joe, said that he is dominant in most of his life. He’s is in leadership at his job, has lived on his own for most of his life, and perhaps he’s an older sibling. As with many gay men, when decisions need to be made the whole world, it seems, looks to him.
Decision-making aside, Joe said that he would love to find a man that can make the decisions instead. One who would tell him what the plans for their next date are, or would pick out the drapes in their future home. Sexually he is a top, but in other ways, not so much.
I believe that our sexual role is a lot more related to how we navigate our lives. In some instances we are the dominant role (I.E. the decision maker) and in other aspects of our lives we could be more passive, maybe even submissive. And, correct me if I’m wrong, sometimes dominant and sometimes submissive is, in fact, vers.
When I wrote myfunnyname.com (my sex blog of late), the overarching idea was that sex is an analogy for life. I and the writers that worked with me would take these big ideas like sense of self, or life’s purpose, and explain them in sexual terms that we could all understand. VERS is the same thing–explaining life in sex terms.
Most of the issues that Black gay men will face in looking for, building, and succeeding in a relationship will be insurmountable if you approach them from singular perspective. If you want to top or bottom your way through life, you’ll end up alone and frustrated.
We are dynamic individuals with a breadth of experience, regardless of age. To be successful running the race of life alongside any of us will take faculties from both a passive and a dominant perspective. You have to be versatile.
So this site is intended to shed a little light on the life of the Black gay every man. Give a little more sugar to the top, and a little more salt to the bottom. Both live in all of us and both are needed to live the lives that we, sometimes secretly, want. When you boil it down, we are all now, or will be in the future, vers.