Why is dating Black Gay Men so hard?

Dating for Black gay men is hard–being Black, gay and a man is hard. To help wade through the process, every year, I make a new mantra. Think “new year’s resolution” but on my birthday. This life-changing practice started when I turned 34. That year was “34, give me more” because life had finally taken a right turn. I was dating Joe (the first time), my friend circle was tighter than ever. My finances were starting to make sense and life really did look up in the A.

Thirty-five was “Who gon’ check me?” It was my opportunity to live life with a lot more frivolity. It was a flippant way of saying ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’ I wanted to live a life with more integrity, more honesty, and more of myself. So, instead of flexing to tell people I was uncheckable, I did the hard work of actually being uncheckable. I cared deeply about what mattered, and to everything else, I could easily say “who gon’ check me?”

Dating at 36…

Thirty-six is “That’s cute for you”. Last September, it seemed like everyone around me was buying a house, or getting married, or getting another degree. All that while I had just renewed my lease, further reminding me of my failed relationship. And avoided school like the plague. “That’s cute for you” is my attempt at honoring and appreciating the work my friends and family are putting into building their lives, while not using that as the measuring stick to my own. I’m learning to celebrate the accomplishments of those I love and respect, while keeping focused on my own journey–my own path.

That focus has helped me uncover some of the holes in my self-understanding: chief among them is my lack of consistency. I can do anything when it’s exciting. My blogs have been examples of that. Blogging was easy when I was getting hundreds of thousands of eye balls every month. But when it lost its excitement, I lost my stick-to-it-iveness.

The same came up in my dating life. Dating for Black gay men was easy when it’s filled with dinners and Netflix and chills, but when it’s a never ending “wyd” text, the shit quickly becomes “for the birds”.

30-day Blogging Challenge

So, as I round out my 36th year and put the lessons of “That’s cute for you” into practice, I’m going on a journey: 30-day Blogging Challenge. For 30 days straight, I’m going to deliver my thoughts on love, life, sex, and relationship. It’s different than the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast because (1) it’s written–despite popular belief, Black men read–and (2) I can be so much more candid on the blog. I can talk about the actual hook-up rather than glossing over the salacious details and fast forwarding to the lesson. Or I can talk about the actual date rather than sparing the specifics. This blog will be my diary of everything that passes through the crazy brain of a sex blogger for the next 30 days.

My goal is to build a muscle of consistent contemplation on the life I’m building for myself. What am I doing? How can I do it better? Or should I be doing something else? Sometimes it may be analyzing the ups-and-downs along my journey to happiness. Other times it might be the recap of some bomb ass I just f*cked. At any rate, it will be me thinking and living out loud, hopefully encouraging you to do the same.

I hope you’ll take this journey with me. It will come up on the Dear Black Gay Men podcast, so consider subscribing to both fullyvers.com and the podcast so you never miss a detail.

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