Have you ever been dating someone, maybe you’re three weeks in. Just long enough to settle into the routine of good morning texts or weekend trips to Piedmont Park and brunch. But still new enough to keep a “I don’t need you” stashed in your back pocket if things go left.
If we’re honest, we stay far too long in this moratorium of dating. That tight rope of I want a man but I don’t need a man. Some of us live our lives there. It’s a constant state of dreaming for our happily ever after but growing just short of actually pursuing it.
Well today is your lucky day, you cool cats and kittens. I’m breaking down the foolproof way of growing past your insecurities to keep that man that has been trying to convince you he’s worth keeping.
I don’t need a man! Or do I?
Let’s be clear. Not needing a man is insecurity. But before you cancel VERS, let me explain.
The future we want is bright. There may be children, homes purchased, weddings, businesses, and many other bright shiny accomplishments along life’s journey. But most of our goals probably involve a partner. How many weddings have you been to with a groom marrying…no one?
When we say “I don’t need a man”, the back end of the statement is that I don’t need a man to be complete–which is true. Every single one of the gentleman reading this blog is wonderfully and masterfully made. You are complete all by yourself. If you don’t believe me, read this.
But for the future you truly want–the one where you’re married with 2.3 children–you totally do need a man for that. You need a man to complete that wedding. You may need a man to build your definition of a happy house for your children to grow up in. Yes, much of your dreams can be journeys of one, but in some aspects, to live out all your dreams, you do, in fact, need a man.
How do I keep that man?
So now that you’re starting to cozy up to the idea of needing a man, now how does one keep said man?
The longest relationships I’ve seen and communicated with, my own included, were not two perfect men that found each other. In fact, I was totally down-bad when I met Bae.
The journey of keeping a man isn’t being perfect and finding perfection. The key is, once you’ve gotten completely okay with the notion that the life you want needs him to be there, then you have to build a life that you can’t sustain by yourself.
It’s like any good business. Jeff Bezos would never have grown Amazon into what it is today if he had to go at it alone. He built a business that, unless for his 500K employees, would fall apart.
Your relationship is the same thing. If you build a relationship that you can walk out on, you will walk out. If you can create a home that functions perfectly without both of you, it will. You’ve got to build a life together that requires both of you, present and fully invested.
The equation for your long term success (love + a future that requires your partner)/commitment = happiness. The sooner these components fall in line, the quicker you’ll see yourself in that future you’ve been dreaming of.