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Sometimes, we classify some vital conversations as “understood”. Not out of malicious intent, we end up building our relationships on assumptions instead of agreements

One reader wrote in hoping to get some clarity on whether an open relationship was right for him and his partner, but uncovered a different opportunity altogether.

Sometimes truth hurts if you let it

My best friend always told me, “I’d rather you hurt me with the truth, then coddle me with a lie.” It sounds good—very colorful words, but the advice hits different when Husbae actually has some painful truths that he needs to deliver.

When we get into relationships, especially after it hits that 2- or 3- year routine, sometimes new information can be jarring. Just as you feel like you’re starting to “know” Bae is when he hits you with something new, unexpected, and potentially relationship-changing.

But how you approach, and respond to that new information could be te biggest tell of the strength of your relationship. When new information is out of the blue, or maybe even hurtful, our reflex could be to get caught in our emotions. But what are you really teaching Bae about being honest with you.

I talked about how we teach Bae how to treat us. When our partners muster their courage and vulnerability to be absolutely honest with us, it can get hard to stay present.

Make a new decision

Our reader’s situation was not nearly as dire, but the lessons remain. It takes vulnerability and courage for Bae to honest with you. You can either feel betrayed by a truth that hurts, or be fulfilled that Bae trusted you with his vulnerability. Only one of those has longterm positive outcomes for the relationship.

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Chronicling my journey out of...and hopefully back in to...love.

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