Never thought you’d be thinking about going to sex parties with intention, huh? Some of the longest-lasting relationships we’ve seen have been born out of hook-ups, sex clubs, and one-night stands. Fine time that we start analyzing what makes them tick and the lessons we can all apply to our dating life.
Come here. No really…lean in. I got something to tell you. **Sings in my Mariah Carey whisper tone** I’ve been to a bathhouse before.
Furthermore, I may or may not have met my closest friend, my best relationship, or a crazy bitch in a bathhouse. One (or more) of those is a lie, but if you ask me which, I’ll deny it.
The fact of the matter is most of us, at one point or another, have gone to a bathouse or sex party and enjoyed it. But we usually did so under the cover of night where no one can see us and definitely no one could know that we enjoyed it. The funny thing is that bathhouses, that den of sexual desire, is probably the best analogy for your relationship life.
Hear me out
When we go to a bathhouse–fun fact, one particular Atlanta-based “bathhouse” comes to mind but it has neither bath nor house–it’s probably the easiest sex you’ve ever had. One lap through a dark room, or into a closet-sized private area and you could probably imagine what happens next.
In those circumstances, nobody cares about your degrees if you have them, how big your house is if you have one, or how high your salary is if you have it. Everyone is on an even keel able to rise or fall to the common bar of expectations. And truthfully, the expectation is “can you meet my needs right now?”
Dating is much the same arrangement: sifting through scrolls on redbox or whatever that animation is on the g-app, to find someone who can meet our needs right now. But more often than not, we complicate our needs with frivolity. He’s got to have a degree, and a car, and a crib, and a this, and a that, and 10,000 of these, etc. But weren’t you the same one with your legs in the air letting that degree-less, car-less, job-less man give you that peen?
None of this is to say that our needs aren’t important. Quite the opposite, our needs are of chief importance in our quest for a partner in life. The critique may be in what we’ve dilluded ourselves into believing our needs are. When you’re alone at night, how much warmth will this man’s degree provide? When you’ve had a bad day and need to vent, will his salary be a kind and listening ear? And when you’re horny, will his car make that ass wetter or his stroke more rhythmic?
Our culture, sometimes, glorifies what’s pretty and socially acceptable over what is real and necessary. My boyfriend found me when I had no car, bad credit, and just started a job worth having. I was downbad, but my dick was good, I was alright to look at and I cared for him on a level he could see and receive–and yes, we met at a bathhouse.
Perhaps the lesson of bathouses, dens, hotel rooms, and any other locations where our raw (no pun intended) sexual desires can be met is that our needs may (or may not) look a lot different than what we think. It took a boyfriend and a bathouse to teach me that.